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Courtesy of NAXJA Thread :

Adult Fairy Tales
>>>CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
>>>her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
>>>appears,
>>>and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
>>>ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
>>>
>>>Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
>>>
>>>"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
>>>into
>>
>>>a pumpkin."
>>>
>>>Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m . The appointed hour comes and
>>>goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella
>>>shows up, looking
>>>love struck and very satisfied.
>>>
>>>"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was
>>>supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
>>>
>>>"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
>>>
>>>The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
>>>Tell me his name!"
>>>
>>>Cinderella replied, I can't remember exactly, but
>>>Peter, Peter, something or other..."
>>>___________________________________________
>>>
>>>PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
>>>splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
>>>Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
>>>sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
>>>
>>>A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town
>>>and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
>>>
>>>Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
>>>_____________________________________________
>>>
>>>LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
>>>Big
>>>Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
>>>throat,
>>>said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
>>>
>>>To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
>>>pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.
>>>You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
>>>____________________________________________
>>> SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
>>>behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
>>>crying,
>>>"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
>>> ___________________________________________
>>>
>>> Did you know ...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
>>> ____________________________________________
>>>
>>> One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to
>>> him
>>>and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in
>>>sex.
>>>
>>> "What's that?" he asked.
>>>
>>> She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in
>>>the trunk of a tree."
>>>
>>> Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show
>>>you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the
>>>ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
>>>
>>> Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
>>>almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she
>>>managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
>>>
>>> "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan
 
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